(c)Copyright ‘Secret Diary of a Really Bad Egg’ (Eggy’s Diary) Nov 2009. A.D.Fryer. Unauthorized use and duplication of this written material & front cover without the blogs author and/or owners express and written permission is strictly prohibited.
Day 22 BC: ‘Before Conception’
This is your ‘Chosen Eggy’ again Moms!
Another week and the next part of our ‘Great Egg Journey’. I am so excited – I hope you are getting excited Moms?
Rowena and the Cells led me across your ovary to the entrance of your ‘Tunnel of Love’ (the Fallopian Tube thingy). There was a bit of a breeze coming up from below; quite nice after the stifling heat of your Ovarian Cave. I peered through my yoke into the echoing darkness. Quite scary. I asked Rowena; should I just dive in? She laughed; no, no, not yet; you might get lost; everything has to be timed just right. They will turn on the lights in your Tunnel tomorrow Moms; I hope you will notice? Meanwhile I have to rest up here. Rowena said that she would bring me another present for my journey tomorrow, if I promise to be really good. (I hope it is some more of that hormone stimulation stuff; that made quite an impact.)
Then Rowena and the other Cells slowly floated away, leaving me at the edge of a very uncertain but exciting future. ‘Wow’. So much has happened so quickly. I really hope those Sperm things don’t try to attack me during the night though, trying to satisfy their lust and have their evil way with little Eggy! Oh chill out Eggy. You have come this far; don’t blow it now! After all you are now a Mature Egg, so try and behave like a grown-up Ovum. The ‘Chosen One’.
I think maybe my singing has matured as well. Be good to finally get some real vocal chords if I can though.
‘Eggy…Eggy….Chosen Eggy, be a cool egg. Don’t you blow it…. Moms doen’t know it……that your such a cool egg. Go egg go, but not like a scrambled yo yo. Just keep it cool Eggy……Real cool.’
Day 23 BC:
Still no blog comment from you Moms. Hope you’re okay? Maybe you and the Dads are just busy preparing for your ‘work-out’? I feel like I am going into this a bit blind – well I know I haven’t got any eyes yet, but its terrible; without being able to see you or know what you look like! We might try and get this bit redesigned when I get out Moms? I am sure future eggs would appreciate it. Put up a noticeboard board thingy in your Ovary here with pictures on it. (A map would be useful as well- no signs in here!)
Rowena and the other helper Cells arrived early. They floated around busily preparing me for the journey. Then they gave me my new present. They wrapped me in an amazing magical coat; a Zona Pellucida. It has this brilliant thin design; magenta coloured and very futuristic. It has secret powers that protect me with a force field from those defending ‘Bouncer Cells’; who may think I am invading your body Moms. (May the force be with me!) Also Rowena says it will repel all the other Sperms once I am penetrated by the winner. Cool eh?
The Cells also gave me a lunch box full of sugar and protein called a Cumulus for my journey. My first ever presents; I was really touched. These Sperms things sound like little mean machines though; I’d better watch myself. Then the Cells began to happily dance around me chanting: ‘Fertilization can be fun, fertilization can be fun’! I gave a yokey gulp and was very happy Moms. Rowena sent out a signal and the lights came on in your ‘Tunnel of Love’. I hope you noticed? Gently she guided me toward the entrance and then….launched me down into its depths. As I floated away I began to sing a song for you Moms, and I heard the Cells all singing along with me too.
‘We are floating, we are floating. Far away ….down your tube. We are floating…. towards Eggy’s future …..to be near you Moms…to be free!
Get ready Moms. I’m a comin!
Day 24 BC:
My first day down your tube Moms. I hope you and the Dads are ready?
Here I am, just a single but now mature egg, floating gently down your ‘Tunnel of Love’ waiting to meet Mr. Right…or is it Mrs. Right? I do feel a bit frightened, even with the lights on. I had a bit of a scare earlier. Some ghostly White Corpuscle things (they’re the Bouncers) jumped out and attacked me! Bloody young thugs. They thought I was an invading parasite! Damn cheek; don’t they know I am THE EGG- the beginning of New Life itself! But my magical Zona Pellucida coat protected me and Rowena arrived just in the nick of time and gave them a right telling off. They sulked and swam off downstream. She is so…. bossy sometimes; I love it. Then she headed back to your Ovary to organize the ‘clean up’ of your Nursery. She is very house proud Moms. Can I bring her with me when I come?
She said this is like a four day cruise. I wonder what these Sperms are really like? The Boys & Girls thing is still rather worrying. It seems these Sperms are either ‘X’ ones for girls and smaller ‘Y’ ones for boys; each carrying their own package of genes to mix with mine. The ‘X’ girl’s ones carry more genes, and so they swim more slowly. Hence, girls are brainier Rowena says; unless they have just been shopping and bought lots of new shoes and handbags. She giggled – what does she mean Moms? I wonder if I get to choose which one does the deed. It all sounds a bit random. Will it make me a very confused adult later in life Moms?
I kept repeating ‘May my Zona Pellucida be with me…..May my Zona Pellucida be with me…’ It helps keeps my spirits and yoke up. Oh, by the way, Rowena advised me NOT to sing anymore until this important fertilization bit is over.
It may attract the wrong type of Gene!
Day 25 BC:
All quiet so far today Moms. No sign of actual life yet. Those ‘Bouncer Cells’ went on ahead; a sulky young lot and spoiling for a fight. I stuck close to the wall of your tube for safety. There was a strong current pushing me along. I bet that makes it hard for the Sperm things swimming up the other way. Rowena says they have whip tails to propel themselves and can speed along at nearly 500cm per second. Unbelievable I think – she says it’s about 10 miles an hour- is that fast Moms? I am sort of glad that lots of the 300 million Sperm Army do get lost coming up stream, otherwise it would be quite an orgy. As Rowena said only about 500 finally get to ‘court me’; but that’s a lot when there is only ONE of me!
There was a bit of a bend in your tube. I thought that maybe they were hiding around the corner waiting for me. I tried not to let my eggy imagination get the better of me though. Then I heard it…..! A low moaning sound coming from deep down inside your tubes. Oh, it was horrible Moms. Like a giant monster thingy in its death throes! I braced myself. There was a wave coming; a GIANT WAVE coming straight up your tube towards me! I tried to attach myself to the wall.
Sing Eggy Sing! NO DON’T SING!……
Day 26 BC:
Panic over. The wave just seemed to subside and disappear. Must have been a practice run or the Sperm Army went the wrong way. Why don’t they have signposts in your body Moms? Rowena said they have to navigate your vaginal canal, your cervix, through your uterus and then into your ‘Tunnel of Love’, and you have two of these, so they can easily go the wrong way. Their whole journey takes about 10 hours and they are swimming. Then one has to breech the walls of my Zona Pellucida magical coat and burrow deep inside. Who would want to be a Sperm eh? Like us Eggs though, they probably didn’t get to choose. (Okay class, who wants to be a Sperm today?)
Someone, somewhere, is in control of all of this. Must be a very important personality; a top egg God or Goddess; or maybe it’s just a good Management Egg Spinner… Ergh! No sign of Rowena and the other Helper Cells. They are probably still scrubbing out your Ovary. Must tell her about last night; I had this yokey, but quite romantic dream. I was being drowned in a mass of wriggling Sperm and just when I thought all was lost, and had given up all hope; Rowena suddenly appeared and unfurling one of her long iridescent filaments, drew me back to safety. Ahhh….now that’s what I call true ‘One to One Counseling’ Moms.
Later I found a little crevice in the wall of your tube – squeezed in and parked up for the night; saving my Eggy energy.
Nite, nite Moms.
PS. Also I didn’t sing- that’s good eh?
Day 27 BC:
Nothing much happened today Moms. Didn’t fancy going anywhere. Thought I would stay for awhile in this little tube crevice of yours. Opened the Cumulus lunchbox the Cells had given me; had a nice meal of sugar and protein. Bit worried that maybe the Sperms would not be able to find me as I am tucked away in here? They may just whizz by and never find me! All that wasted effort. But then I thought that maybe it would be a good test for them and the most ‘intelligent’ one would work it out and get the Prize- ME!
Day 28 BC:
I must have dozed off after that heavy meal. Awoke to the walls of your tube heaving like there was heavy breathing or something going on. Outside in the ‘Tunnel of Love’ the current was racing down your tube like someone had pulled the plug out! I hesitated; not feeling very brave. Decided to hold off until tomorrow. Hopefully the current will have died down a bit by then, otherwise I may just zoom past the Sperm Army so fast, that they won’t be able to catch me up and do the deed! What would be the point then? It doesn’t bear thinking about. Ergh!
No..change of plan. Something tells me its time to go! I can’t delay anymore. It’s now or never Moms! So I packed up my lunchbox; took an deep Eggy breath and launched myself out into the foaming liquids. Here we go; my last day as an unfertilized Eggy; joining the cruise to Whoopee Land or down the tube to paranoia!
Then around the next bend I saw them! The Sperm Army swimming up towards me; wriggling and thrashing about like their little lives depended on reaching their prize- ME! In my yoke I was sure they were singing; something like…
‘We will….we will ….F….., F…., Fertilize you! We will…we will …..F…., F…., Fertilize you!’
They sounded like my sort of Guys & Girls! ACTION STATIONS! They have seen me! They have only one thing on their minds and don’t they know it. Inside though, I felt my yoke start to curdle with a strange oozy mixture of fear and anticipation. I tried to take control of the situation. I yelled yokey type instructions hoping they would hear me. (not much hope.) I was vaguely aware that Rowena and the other Helper Cells where around, in case things got out of hand. Later, they gave me a Cell edited selection of what they had seen and heard my yoke say. I seemed to have found a sort of voice even without the vocal chords.
Then it seems; much against the rules, I started singing again!
‘And another Sperms’ down….and another Sperms’ gone. Another Sperms’ lost his thrust…!’
It seems I was really beginning to enjoy it!
“Next- oh you are good!…Left a bit….Right a bit…
There you go…
and I suppose if it doesn’t work out with you I can always get
cosmetic surgery done on the end result?”
“Hey come on nucleus …this one is good….move’em in there….let’em shake the tail about.
Oh, the tail has dropped off!”
“Get in there my little darlin….what do we think? ……AHHHHHHH…”
“Yes…all the other Sperms are dropping off… we have a RESULT! “
“It’s a Chromosome transfer!….a three hundred million to one Sperm result!!”
“THE DEED IS DONE!!” YIPPEE!!
Then is seems Rowena and I sang a duet together. (I remembered this bit)
‘We’ve loved, we’ve laughed and cried….we’ve had our share….our share of losing. And now as the sperms subside…we find it all, so amusing. To think we did all that….but best of all, not in a shy way …..Oh no, not you or me…We did it Our Eggy Way!’
I hope you enjoyed your ‘work-out’?
Didn’t we do well!
Your very fertilized…
(c)Copyright ‘Secret Diary of a Really Bad Egg’ (Eggy’s Diary) November 2009. A.D.Fryer. Unauthorized use and duplication of this written material & front cover without the blogs author and/or owners written permission is strictly prohibited .
The numbers listed below refer to the entries (e.g.,#1 is Front Cover)
AF Front Cover 1. Microsoft Clip Art: 3,4, 6. 7, 8, 9, 13. Dreamstime: 2, 5, 10, 11, 12, 14. You Tube Videos: 15.
30 responses to “Week 4 BC:”
Superb site you have here but I was wondering if you knew of any forums that cover the same topics discussed in this
article? I’d really like to be a part of community where I can get opinions
from other experienced people that share the same interest.
If you have any suggestions, please let me know. Appreciate it!
Greetings from Los angeles! I’m bored at work
so I decided to browse your blog on my iphone during lunch break.
I really like the information you provide here and can’t wait to take a look when I
get home. I’m shocked at how fast your blog loaded on my phone ..
I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyhow, wonderful site!
This design is steller! You obviously know how to keep a reader amused.
Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to
start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Wonderful job.
I really loved what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented
it. Too cool!
Thanks for your comments. Glad you enjoyed my blog.
Its difficult being an ‘egg’, but my Diary is soon to be published in book and e book format.
Life struggles on…
This is very attention-grabbing, You are an excessively professional blogger.
I’ve joined your rss feed and look forward to in search
of extra of your fantastic post. Also, I have shared your web site in my
Wonderful blog you have here but I was wondering if you knew
of any forums that cover the same topics discussed here?
I’d really like to be a part of group where I can get feed-back from other knowledgeable people that share the same interest.
If you have any recommendations, please let me know.
Definitely believe that which you stated. Your favorite
justification seemed to be on the web the easiest thing to be aware of.
I say to you, I definitely get irked while people think about worries that they plainly don’t know
about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top as well as defined out
the whole thing without having side effect , people could take a signal.
Will probably be back to get more. Thanks
I usually do not leave a response, but after reading through a
lot of comments on Week 4 BC: | ‘Secret Diary of a Really
Bad Egg’. I do have 2 questions for you
if it’s allright. Could it be simply me or does it appear like a few of these comments look
as if they are coming from brain dead individuals?
😛 And, if you are writing on additional sites, I would like to keep up with you.
Could you post a list of all of all your social community pages like your
Facebook page, twitter feed, or linkedin profile?
Hiya! Quick question that’s entirely off topic.
Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly?
My weblog looks weird when viewing from my apple iphone. I’m trying to find a template or plugin that might be able to correct this issue.
If you have any recommendations, please share.
These roofs are filled with a stumpy patch of greenery that can withstand harsh
weather conditions. The above three questions will help
you qualify – and disqualify – potential Chicago injury attorneys
and find the one that is right for you. It is obvious that a fire produces ash and smoke that need to be sent into the night air.
Thank you for the good writeup. It actually was a entertainment account it.
Glance complex to more introduced agreeable from you! However, how
can we be in contact?
I just like the helpful info you supply to your articles.
I will bookmark your weblog and test once more here frequently.
I’m relatively certain I will learn many new stuff right here!
Good luck for the next!
Hello, I wish for to subscribe for this web site to take
hottest updates, therefore where can i do it please help out.
WOW just what I was searching for. Came here by searching for wireless routers
You ought to be a part of a contest for one of the highest quality websites on the net.
I most certainly will recommend this site!
Nice replies in return of this query with real arguments and telling everything regarding that.
Magnificent beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your site,
how can i subscribe for a blog site? The account aided me a acceptable deal.
I had been a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided bright clear idea
Normally I don’t learn post on blogs, but I wish to say that this write-up very forced me to try and do so!
Your writing style has been amazed me. Thanks, very great post.
Thank you for your kind comments. I hope to put more instalments up soon. Yours Eggy
On 1 February 2015 at 08:08, 'Secret Diary of a Really Bad Egg' wrote:
Hi there to every one, it’s genuinely a good for me
to visit this web site, it consists of precious Information.
fantastic issues altogether, you just gained a brand new reader.
What would you suggest in regards to your submit that you just made a few days in the past?
You are so interesting! I don’t think I’ve read through something like
that before. So wonderful to find someone with a few genuine thoughts on this subject.
Seriously.. thanks for starting this up. This site is one thing that’s needed on the web, someone with a bit
Thank you for your kind comments. I am endeavouring to get more postings up- it’s so difficult being an EGG. Yours *Eggy [?]*
On 16 February 2015 at 21:45, 'Secret Diary of a Really Bad Egg' wrote:
Simply desire to say your article is as amazing. The clearness in your publish is just
great and i could think you are a professional in this subject.
Well along with your permission allow me to
grab your RSS feed to keep updated with impending post.
Thanks 1,000,000 and please continue the rewarding work.
I have read some good stuff here. Definitely price bookmarking for revisiting.
I surprise how much attempt you place to create this sort of excellent informative site.
Right here is the right blog for anyone who really wants to
find out about this topic. You understand a whole lot its
almost tough to argue with you (not that I actually would want
to…HaHa). You definitely put a brand new spin on a topic which has been written about for a long time.
Wonderful stuff, just great!
Thank you for your comment. We were all eggs once! Yours Eggy
On 7 March 2015 at 02:14, 'Secret Diary of a Really Bad Egg' wrote:
Nice weblog here! Also your website loads up very fast! What web host are
you the usage of? Can I get your associate link in your
host? I wish my site loaded up as quickly as yours lol
Excellent post. I was checking continuously this blog
and I’m impressed! Extremely helpful information particularly the last part 🙂 I
care for such info a lot. I was looking for this certain information for a very long time.
Thank you and good luck.
I don’t even understand how I finished up right here, but I thought this publish was great.
I do not know who you are but definitely you are going to a
famous blogger in the event you aren’t already.