(c)Copyright ‘Secret Diary of a Really Bad Egg’ (Eggy’s Diary) Nov 2009. A.D.Fryer. Unauthorized use and duplication of this written material & front cover without the blogs author and/or owners express and written permission is strictly prohibited.
Day 22 BC: ‘Before Conception’
This is your ‘Chosen Eggy’ again Moms!
Another week and the next part of our ‘Great Egg Journey’. I am so excited – I hope you are getting excited Moms?
Rowena and the Cells led me across your ovary to the entrance of your ‘Tunnel of Love’ (the Fallopian Tube thingy). There was a bit of a breeze coming up from below; quite nice after the stifling heat of your Ovarian Cave. I peered through my yoke into the echoing darkness. Quite scary. I asked Rowena; should I just dive in? She laughed; no, no, not yet; you might get lost; everything has to be timed just right. They will turn on the lights in your Tunnel tomorrow Moms; I hope you will notice? Meanwhile I have to rest up here. Rowena said that she would bring me another present for my journey tomorrow, if I promise to be really good. (I hope it is some more of that hormone stimulation stuff; that made quite an impact.)
Then Rowena and the other Cells slowly floated away, leaving me at the edge of a very uncertain but exciting future. ‘Wow’. So much has happened so quickly. I really hope those Sperm things don’t try to attack me during the night though, trying to satisfy their lust and have their evil way with little Eggy! Oh chill out Eggy. You have come this far; don’t blow it now! After all you are now a Mature Egg, so try and behave like a grown-up Ovum. The ‘Chosen One’.
I think maybe my singing has matured as well. Be good to finally get some real vocal chords if I can though.
‘Eggy…Eggy….Chosen Eggy, be a cool egg. Don’t you blow it…. Moms doen’t know it……that your such a cool egg. Go egg go, but not like a scrambled yo yo. Just keep it cool Eggy……Real cool.’
Day 23 BC:
Still no blog comment from you Moms. Hope you’re okay? Maybe you and the Dads are just busy preparing for your ‘work-out’? I feel like I am going into this a bit blind – well I know I haven’t got any eyes yet, but its terrible; without being able to see you or know what you look like! We might try and get this bit redesigned when I get out Moms? I am sure future eggs would appreciate it. Put up a noticeboard board thingy in your Ovary here with pictures on it. (A map would be useful as well- no signs in here!)
Rowena and the other helper Cells arrived early. They floated around busily preparing me for the journey. Then they gave me my new present. They wrapped me in an amazing magical coat; a Zona Pellucida. It has this brilliant thin design; magenta coloured and very futuristic. It has secret powers that protect me with a force field from those defending ‘Bouncer Cells’; who may think I am invading your body Moms. (May the force be with me!) Also Rowena says it will repel all the other Sperms once I am penetrated by the winner. Cool eh?
The Cells also gave me a lunch box full of sugar and protein called a Cumulus for my journey. My first ever presents; I was really touched. These Sperms things sound like little mean machines though; I’d better watch myself. Then the Cells began to happily dance around me chanting: ‘Fertilization can be fun, fertilization can be fun’! I gave a yokey gulp and was very happy Moms. Rowena sent out a signal and the lights came on in your ‘Tunnel of Love’. I hope you noticed? Gently she guided me toward the entrance and then….launched me down into its depths. As I floated away I began to sing a song for you Moms, and I heard the Cells all singing along with me too.
‘We are floating, we are floating. Far away ….down your tube. We are floating…. towards Eggy’s future …..to be near you Moms…to be free!
Get ready Moms. I’m a comin!
Day 24 BC:
My first day down your tube Moms. I hope you and the Dads are ready?
Here I am, just a single but now mature egg, floating gently down your ‘Tunnel of Love’ waiting to meet Mr. Right…or is it Mrs. Right? I do feel a bit frightened, even with the lights on. I had a bit of a scare earlier. Some ghostly White Corpuscle things (they’re the Bouncers) jumped out and attacked me! Bloody young thugs. They thought I was an invading parasite! Damn cheek; don’t they know I am THE EGG- the beginning of New Life itself! But my magical Zona Pellucida coat protected me and Rowena arrived just in the nick of time and gave them a right telling off. They sulked and swam off downstream. She is so…. bossy sometimes; I love it. Then she headed back to your Ovary to organize the ‘clean up’ of your Nursery. She is very house proud Moms. Can I bring her with me when I come?
She said this is like a four day cruise. I wonder what these Sperms are really like? The Boys & Girls thing is still rather worrying. It seems these Sperms are either ‘X’ ones for girls and smaller ‘Y’ ones for boys; each carrying their own package of genes to mix with mine. The ‘X’ girl’s ones carry more genes, and so they swim more slowly. Hence, girls are brainier Rowena says; unless they have just been shopping and bought lots of new shoes and handbags. She giggled – what does she mean Moms? I wonder if I get to choose which one does the deed. It all sounds a bit random. Will it make me a very confused adult later in life Moms?
I kept repeating ‘May my Zona Pellucida be with me…..May my Zona Pellucida be with me…’ It helps keeps my spirits and yoke up. Oh, by the way, Rowena advised me NOT to sing anymore until this important fertilization bit is over.
It may attract the wrong type of Gene!
Day 25 BC:
All quiet so far today Moms. No sign of actual life yet. Those ‘Bouncer Cells’ went on ahead; a sulky young lot and spoiling for a fight. I stuck close to the wall of your tube for safety. There was a strong current pushing me along. I bet that makes it hard for the Sperm things swimming up the other way. Rowena says they have whip tails to propel themselves and can speed along at nearly 500cm per second. Unbelievable I think – she says it’s about 10 miles an hour- is that fast Moms? I am sort of glad that lots of the 300 million Sperm Army do get lost coming up stream, otherwise it would be quite an orgy. As Rowena said only about 500 finally get to ‘court me’; but that’s a lot when there is only ONE of me!
There was a bit of a bend in your tube. I thought that maybe they were hiding around the corner waiting for me. I tried not to let my eggy imagination get the better of me though. Then I heard it…..! A low moaning sound coming from deep down inside your tubes. Oh, it was horrible Moms. Like a giant monster thingy in its death throes! I braced myself. There was a wave coming; a GIANT WAVE coming straight up your tube towards me! I tried to attach myself to the wall.
Sing Eggy Sing! NO DON’T SING!……
Day 26 BC:
Panic over. The wave just seemed to subside and disappear. Must have been a practice run or the Sperm Army went the wrong way. Why don’t they have signposts in your body Moms? Rowena said they have to navigate your vaginal canal, your cervix, through your uterus and then into your ‘Tunnel of Love’, and you have two of these, so they can easily go the wrong way. Their whole journey takes about 10 hours and they are swimming. Then one has to breech the walls of my Zona Pellucida magical coat and burrow deep inside. Who would want to be a Sperm eh? Like us Eggs though, they probably didn’t get to choose. (Okay class, who wants to be a Sperm today?)
Someone, somewhere, is in control of all of this. Must be a very important personality; a top egg God or Goddess; or maybe it’s just a good Management Egg Spinner… Ergh! No sign of Rowena and the other Helper Cells. They are probably still scrubbing out your Ovary. Must tell her about last night; I had this yokey, but quite romantic dream. I was being drowned in a mass of wriggling Sperm and just when I thought all was lost, and had given up all hope; Rowena suddenly appeared and unfurling one of her long iridescent filaments, drew me back to safety. Ahhh….now that’s what I call true ‘One to One Counseling’ Moms.
Nite, nite Moms.
PS. Also I didn’t sing- that’s good eh?
Day 27 BC:
Nothing much happened today Moms. Didn’t fancy going anywhere. Thought I would stay for awhile in this little tube crevice of yours. Opened the Cumulus lunchbox the Cells had given me; had a nice meal of sugar and protein. Bit worried that maybe the Sperms would not be able to find me as I am tucked away in here? They may just whizz by and never find me! All that wasted effort. But then I thought that maybe it would be a good test for them and the most ‘intelligent’ one would work it out and get the Prize- ME!
Day 28 BC:
I must have dozed off after that heavy meal. Awoke to the walls of your tube heaving like there was heavy breathing or something going on. Outside in the ‘Tunnel of Love’ the current was racing down your tube like someone had pulled the plug out! I hesitated; not feeling very brave. Decided to hold off until tomorrow. Hopefully the current will have died down a bit by then, otherwise I may just zoom past the Sperm Army so fast, that they won’t be able to catch me up and do the deed! What would be the point then? It doesn’t bear thinking about. Ergh!
No..change of plan. Something tells me its time to go! I can’t delay anymore. It’s now or never Moms! So I packed up my lunchbox; took an deep Eggy breath and launched myself out into the foaming liquids. Here we go; my last day as an unfertilized Eggy; joining the cruise to Whoopee Land or down the tube to paranoia!
Then around the next bend I saw them! The Sperm Army swimming up towards me; wriggling and thrashing about like their little lives depended on reaching their prize- ME! In my yoke I was sure they were singing; something like…
‘We will….we will ….F….., F…., Fertilize you! We will…we will …..F…., F…., Fertilize you!’
They sounded like my sort of Guys & Girls! ACTION STATIONS! They have seen me! They have only one thing on their minds and don’t they know it. Inside though, I felt my yoke start to curdle with a strange oozy mixture of fear and anticipation. I tried to take control of the situation. I yelled yokey type instructions hoping they would hear me. (not much hope.) I was vaguely aware that Rowena and the other Helper Cells where around, in case things got out of hand. Later, they gave me a Cell edited selection of what they had seen and heard my yoke say. I seemed to have found a sort of voice even without the vocal chords.
Then it seems; much against the rules, I started singing again!
‘And another Sperms’ down….and another Sperms’ gone. Another Sperms’ lost his thrust…!’
It seems I was really beginning to enjoy it!
“Next- oh you are good!…Left a bit….Right a bit…
There you go…
and I suppose if it doesn’t work out with you I can always get
cosmetic surgery done on the end result?”
“Hey come on nucleus …this one is good….move’em in there….let’em shake the tail about.
Oh, the tail has dropped off!”
“Get in there my little darlin….what do we think? ……AHHHHHHH…”
“Yes…all the other Sperms are dropping off… we have a RESULT! “
“It’s a Chromosome transfer!….a three hundred million to one Sperm result!!”
“THE DEED IS DONE!!” YIPPEE!!
Then is seems Rowena and I sang a duet together. (I remembered this bit)
‘We’ve loved, we’ve laughed and cried….we’ve had our share….our share of losing. And now as the sperms subside…we find it all, so amusing. To think we did all that….but best of all, not in a shy way …..Oh no, not you or me…We did it Our Eggy Way!’
I hope you enjoyed your ‘work-out’?
Didn’t we do well!
Your very fertilized…
(c)Copyright ‘Secret Diary of a Really Bad Egg’ (Eggy’s Diary) November 2009. A.D.Fryer. Unauthorized use and duplication of this written material & front cover without the blogs author and/or owners written permission is strictly prohibited .
The numbers listed below refer to the entries (e.g.,#1 is Front Cover)
AF Front Cover 1. Microsoft Clip Art: 3,4, 6. 7, 8, 9, 13. Dreamstime: 2, 5, 10, 11, 12, 14. You Tube Videos: 15.